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I've never told anyone this but I remember when I was little I knew I wouldn't live long. I never pictured myself getting old, getting married, having kids. For some reason I thought I would only make it to my early 20's. I knew this world was not for me. As I got older I started to struggle with anxiety, poor self-image and eventually bulimia. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and went on medication. As I've tried to come off of meds in my 20s and 30s o always descend into hopelessness, despair, fear, anger, self hatred and Shame. If I had never gone on meds I'm confident I would have died long ago, from the eating disorder or the depression. I still don't want a family - how could I ever start something I'm not sure I'd be around to take care of? I'm still that scared, unsure, over contemplative little girl who has never seen happiness for herself. I feel too much, hurt too much, hope to much but don't know how to live with any of that because deep down...I've never thought I'd get this far...