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I find out this year that I'm bipolar. I still don't believe it though.It feels like it shouldn't apply to me, yet I know there's something wrong with my mental state, and it scares me to take it seriously because once I admit it, then it will be true. I just withdrew from college in the midst of finishing my third year because I had zero motivation to move forward. I think it's because at one point I realized that I was, ordinary. It scared me shitless that I would never achieve greatness and I started getting vivid nightmares about 20 years from now when I'm stuck in a mundane office job counting the days till I retire and die alone sadly. I'd sometimes wake up crying and screaming.