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Hi, My names Amelia Lefevre. I have struggled with mental health my whole life, it got worst during my high school years. Now I deal with it by creating art and expressing my feelings through it.
I always had a hard time connecting with people, even from very young, I never really thought much of it, it was just the way I was. It got more noticeable and difficult as life went on, though. In year eight, I got taken out of school because of how hard I found it, I would cry everyday before school and every night after it. I would stay up all night so that it felt like I had more time before the next day. I would pretend I was ill, sometimes I would actually become ill because of all the stress I was under. When I was homeschooled I found my life much easier, because I was always at home and never out of my comfort zone. It sounds great but it really set me up for disaster.
I had to go back to school for year nine. It was hard, really really hard. I found it so difficult to be in constantly crowded, noisy classrooms and corridors. There was so much to deal with, along with being a teenager. I found it really difficult to connect with my friends and always felt odd and not quite accepted into their group. Whether I was or not I don’t truly know.
Year nine and ten I missed a lot of school, and it just got worse to the point I was at home most days. When year eleven came round it was just awful. I couldn’t do it. I refused to go to school at all. This ended in me being driven to school every day by one of the support workers (thank you for everything you did for me). I also didn’t go to lessons, I stayed in the support centre all day, everyday. I also stopped talking to anyone except my best friend at the time, she lived an hour away and I didn’t get to see her often. I taught myself all the work for my GCSEs. Life was just so difficult for me, even just the mundane things. I once had the deputy head sit on my bed one morning trying to convince me to get up and go to school.
There was only one person who worked at the school that really helped me and put time and effort into me. I don’t know what I would have done without them, I really don’t. The fact they took time out of their day to take me to school, make me cups of tea in the morning, talk to me and help me when I really needed it, I believe every school should have someone like this, as there will always be someone who needs them.
I finished school, and tried to go to college. Twice. It didn’t work. I managed to get a job, but I can’t work for too much of the week otherwise I can have a complete mental shutdown.
I went to a therapist at one of the colleges and they were really good, they told me I could have Autism, and helped me get onto the waiting list to receive an assessment. I still haven’t received this assessment... it’s been about a year and a half now. I have learnt how to deal with a lot of things, and I know my limitations better and how far I can push myself. I still need this assessment though, it’s hard not knowing what is actually wrong, because you don’t know how to help yourself. I truly believe more money needs to be put into the schooling system for mental health because if I had that help earlier, then I could have had more of a normal life. I wouldn’t be stuck in this rut now of wanted to know solutions or at least the cause of the problem.
This is why I took up art, because it’s one way I know can help relieve my stress and express my true feelings. I think everyone needs a coping mechanism and this is mine. In the future I’m going to release prints to raise money for mental health awareness and support in schools.
I know this story is long and boring, and it might be a bit unorganised and chaotic, but this is my story, and I hope maybe it can help someone out there who may be going through the same thing. You can get through this, if no one else believes in you, I do.
(If you would like someone to talk to, my account is @amelia._.lefevre my dms are always open)