As a teenager I was sexually abused by my aunt's husband several times. I blamed my puberty for that and I started to reject my femininity, I could not wear dress or shorts or anything except baggy clothes, I controlled all of my movement so it would not attract anyone. I hated the changes of my body, my breasts, my ass and even my face. Last year I started psychotherapy which helped me realize what i have been going through all this years, but still I started to have suicidal thoughts. Every day I struggle to get up from bed, my mind is faded and I am irritated most of the time. I am still afraid that when i will fall asleep he will come and touch me like he did or even try to rape me. I am in constant fear. I started to tell my story to my friends but i still cannot tell it to my family and it's killing me inside. I know that anxiety will never leave me and I am trying to tame it, I am starting to live with it.I wanna be happy although it feels like i have never been happy or free. I want to find myself and I am gonna fight for myself.