I don’t feel human, I really don’t. I don’t know why I can’t ever been in a real relationship. I feel like a goddamn science project. I hate it! I just wanna be normal for once in my life. I have flashes of people I know and love dead! I have flashes of them mangled beyond recognition and every time it’s a different way of death. Every single time it’s different! I sometimes see myself in these flashes. I also have had flashes of me killing people I know or just me sitting there while they are lying there dead. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! This is what it’s like for me constantly in my head. Being alone makes it even worse for me, because it just runs wild. I don’t feel like I’m safe around people but I also feel like i need to be around people. I wanna be around people but I also don’t wanna be around them all at the same time.