It's been four years and counting. All I wanna know is how to live again. Where my heart wont be ice cold even on the hottest days. I've been looking for a way out but I'm very tired and I need want to stop. I can't stop it mom, and even if I could.. I dont want to anymore. Oh my depression how I adore you now after all these years you've held on to me. You should know mom that I do try to break free but oh boy, it drains me mother, and that part it drains never comes back. I'm so so weak and I need you to know that I never wanted to hurt the most precious,loving soul I know but it wont let me be what I want to be. And like I said before, I'm ok with that. But there's a small part in me that sees my error and your pain and I would go through an infinite amount of lifetimes as painful as this one just to try and be happy , just for you. I can't though and I'm so very sorry.