I feel like I want to run , just run away . But you can‘t run away from yourself . I have a obsessive compulsive disorder , also called OCD . There are many types of the compulsive disorder . For me it‘s about repeating and controlling everything . And with everything I mean everything . I have to do every little thing like turning the lights on or open something or take something many times until that inner voice tells me that’s right . I know that it doesn‘t make sense . But if I don‘t do it the fear that something is going to happen gets extreme , I start to panic , I feel pain , I can’t concentrate and I have to do it . Then I feel better for a few minutes until I do the next thing and it starts again . It started in school . At first it wasn‘t that extreme and I could control it better . I was bullied in school and I changed the school then , but I didn‘t really found friends . It was stressful and I just felt lonely . And I was afraid to talk to people and meet new people , because I thought and I still think that nobody likes me and that I can’t do anything right . I started to isolate myself more and more . And when school became more stressful the compulsive disorder started . At first with some rituals . And now the compulsive disorder takes hours every day . I graduated school last year . And I was happy at first . But now I feel lost . I feel lonely . I don‘t really have friends . I feel like I‘m lost in a dark forest and I try to find a way out , but I can‘t