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Hi I am 52;I am a mental health support worker for the last 9 years,through my life I suffered with my own mental health mainly depression,this generally comes on through my illnesses,I am a renal transplant patient ,,this is my third ,but from the beginning at 18 yrs old when I first was diagnosed with kidney failure and had to spend weeks on a machine and then taught to finalise at home 4 x a day ,I think my depression started here , because of having a circle of friends of 20 people ,and when I was ill only 3 friends actually visited me ,the rest ,sorry I don't like the smell of hospitals ,no I haven't the time are these truly my friends ? Also I was 18 my friends were out enjoying thereselves I wanted to be part of this and started skipping dialysis which made me ill,and on top of this on my tummy I had a tube which needed cleaning everyday with ether and pure 100% alcohol ,the ether I started sniffing until I was unconscious this went on for months until one day I rang my dad at his office to say there were little green men running around my bedroom ,he took the bottle and flushed it ,I saw a psychiatrist who asked me why I was doing this ,I said I was depressed I'm stuck here on my own doing nothing ,all he said was you realise you will kill yourself ,now moving on it's 2019 my transplant is again failing I have now been off of work really since May ,it's now the 10th October ,my family are brilliant my girlfriend is so caring ,but again I'm ill my friends disappear ,they have their own lives I know ,but there is no texts nothing for nearly 6 months ,I have a really special mate Steve who I have known all my life ,he lives over 200 miles from me ,and visits and texts me ,but my so called friends and workmates who just disappear after a few weeks ,makes me feel am I not a friend ,when you spoke to me were you just making polite conversation ,when we had fun were you just including me ,I look at social media and think why do my so called friends keep sharing ,If you need a friend to talk to ,or others saying I am here anytime for anyone ,really and you can't even text me to say hello ,