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Our New Year’s resolution was to have another baby. We really wanted a second child. By the end of January 2015 we were told I was pregnant again. We expected some discomfort as I didn’t feel well during my previous pregnancy, but never expected what we would have to go through.

As the weeks passed, I started to feel tired, cheerless, and suddenly, distressed. By the end of April, my life as I knew it became completely paralyzed because of a deep depression. I was supposed to be one of those happy pregnant women. I was supposed to keep going to work and produce perfect products while expecting my new boy, but I just didn’t have the strength to even answer one single e-mail from home. Nor to spend five minutes reading a story to my elder son before cuddling him in bed.

I was not a happy pregnant woman. I was depressed for no apparent reason. A desired baby was arriving; he was ok, I was ok…but pain was everywhere.
I was supposed to be one of those happy pregnant women. I was supposed to keep going to work while expecting my new boy, but I just didn’t have enough strength.
The new baby was born and things just got worse. What everyone expected to be one of the happiest moments of life was hell for us. After 10 months, supported by my loved ones, medication, and some special souls around me, I could finally rise stronger.

I still have good and bad days, but nothing compared to those. I guess this is what a real human life is like: not perfect, with ups and downs.

It's been 10 months since then and I feel proud when I look back and see how much I've accomplished, both personally and professionally. Now, I am learning how to live an imperfect and grateful life. I am doing the things I don't know how to do, instead of only doing the things that I’m good at.

I am challenging my social phobias by exposing myself to new environments and meeting new people. Showing up with my design works in progress and facing others’ feedback. Getting on a stage to do a talk that keeps me up the night before. Asking for mentoring and help. Getting in a car I never dared to drive and going out on a highway that scared me to death. I am saying “I am sorry, this is all I can give right now.”

I am also talking about this and helping other people cope with similar issues. I am working on my own design projects regarding mental health. I am trying to help end the stigma.