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I wish I could explain to my friends and family that there are reasons I don't let them in. There are reasons I shut down and get overly emotional, that I'm sensitive and protective of myself.

What they don't know is that I was raped by my boyfriend when I was 18. Shame kept me quiet, told me that it wasn't rape, that I let him do it, that it was my fault. I'm 25 now, and finally opened up to a close friend about what happened to me. I'm not whole, but I'm on my way to healing.

"I don't want to be depressed, anxious, or suicidal. I want to let you in."
I wish I could just say to my friends, "Please understand, rape made me the way I am. I don't want to be depressed, anxious, or suicidal. I want to let you in."

Maybe one day that will happen, but for now it's comforting to know that I am not alone. I don't struggle with suicidal thoughts anymore, but the journey is long, my friends. Let's walk it together.