Let’s Talk About Mental Health - logo Let’s Talk About Mental Health - handheld logo Eye

Previous
story
Next
story
I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress disorder 5 years ago; when my therapist told me about it, I felt relief, and at the same time, I felt doomed. I remember being in and out of therapy for about 6 months prior to my diagnosis; 6 months of wandering, just to get lost again. I thought that if I was brave and strong enough, I could just "get over it". Or maybe just forget it. Just for one, two minutes. Stop thinking about it. Stop having nightmares about it. My friends and I used to go to the movies a lot. All of a sudden, I wasn't going to parties, missed classes, started giving cheap excuses in order to avoid my friends... When my mother started noticing my avoidant and self-destructive behaviour, she tried talking with me. It just didn't work out. She eventually got frustrated, and finally lost it when she entered my room while I was having my first panic attack and she discovered my bad self-harm habits. That's when I started my last therapy, in which I was told that PTSD and social anxiety actually exist. I felt relief because I finally found out about my illnesses, and the mere fact that they were actual illnesses made that relief even greater; as for the doomed part, I was just afraid that others would tag or make fun of me (that is, if they found out about it). During the first years, I remember crying myself to sleep just asking "why me?". I spent so much time thinking about my past, about what happened; I forgot who I was. And although my future seemed brighter thanks to therapy, I felt lost. One day, my therapist told me: "does it really matter, though? Not being able to remember who you were. It is scary, yes; but where you come from - your past - there's so much pain, and there's a reason why you can't remember. Instead of being angry or sad about it, why not focusing on the present? Who are you? How are you? Work from there, and I promise you: it gets better".  So, for anyone out there who needs reassurance: it gets better!