I am an upbeat guy and have always considered myself an easy going, “no worries” kind of person. But I don’t let my feelings out as much as I should, or maybe I just don’t pay attention to them enough. I think this might be one of the reasons why I snapped a year ago. I was sitting at my desk one day, doing some design work for a client, when suddenly I felt my heart beating faster. My hands started to sweat, my breath shortened. I thought I was having a heart attack, and I freaked out.
The next day I went to the doctor and did some blood tests, but everything came back normal. But I still felt strange; I didn’t feel at all like myself. This is when my anxiety started. I began to avoid eating specific things, and then I started to be afraid of walking. I was so terrified of having panic attacks that it started to turn into a vicious cycle. I ended up in the hospital again and again.
“You’re walking down the street and someone shoots an arrow at you. So you ask me, ‘Who did that? Why did this happen to me?’ and I tell you, ‘I don’t know, but I can help you with it.’”
I knew I had to do something about it, so I decided to go to a counselor. I wanted to find out the reason behind all this anxiety. My main goal was figuring out, why and why me? I’ll never forget what my counselor told me. “You’re walking down the street and someone shoots an arrow at you. So you ask me, ‘Who did that? Why did this happen to me?’ and I tell you, ‘I don’t know, but I can help you with it.’”
My counseling sessions and self-awareness meditation have helped me so much. After almost a year I still feel anxious from time to time, but nothing like in the beginning. I know this is something that will be part of me for as long as I live, and that some days will be better than others. But there are things you can do to help yourself get better. No matter how hard it is, you can do it.